


made of what i learned from you

by sasiml



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Phandom Fic Fests: Pride, because happiness is anyone and anything at all thats loved by you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19336987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasiml/pseuds/sasiml
Summary: There was something about being gay, but not gay just yet, when your best friend is out and loud and proud. The feeling of almost unsettling safety as you walk into a world decked in colors that are just waiting for you to reach out and let them be your own. The encouragement of watching someone you love doing it for themselves.





	made of what i learned from you

**Author's Note:**

> for elias.

Phil doesn’t particularly consider himself to be an overly nostalgic or reminiscent person, and yet he keeps getting caught up in his adolescence this week.

He thinks it might have something to do with Dan. Dan going back and making peace and re-learning everything from his high school years.

Phil gets stuck on his.

“She used to text me before she went to bed,” he says, his head lounging back on the headboard and his eyes following the shadows on the ceiling peeking through the curtains.

“What?” Dan’s toothpaste muffled voice comes from the bathroom. He spits.

“Anja. She went through a phase where she’d text me nice things out of the blue. It was nice.”

Dan hits the lightswitch. “I didn’t know you were in touch with Anja.”

“M’not really,” Phil says. “Just thinking.”

It stews for a while, and only gets worse when the conversations about June, about Pride, about plans, all seem to become real.

All of Dan’s friends turned out to be some sort of umbrella gay, and they weren’t even close. That _can’t_ be a coincidence

He must have known, he thinks. Something must have resonated, when he met his old best friend all those years ago. When the ground shook and settled and for the first time there was someone to stand unyielding by his side.

Phil got that again, and he got it maybe even better, but the nagging feeling that’s persisted somewhere from the bottom of his chest since reaching out to her became a conscious effort hasn’t subsided in the years.

“I might wanna go to Pride this year,” Dan says thoughtfully over his laptop.

Phil inches his feet further in the seam of the couch cushions. “I haven’t been since I was nineteen, maybe twenty.”

“I’ve never been.”

“I used to go with Anja when I thought I was straight.”

Dan snorts. Phil smiles.

“We snuck into a club once when I was sixteen or so at like, two in the afternoon,” he reminisces. “It was so lame.”

“Sounds like fun actually,” Dan says after a slight pause.

Phil humms. “Yeah, it was.”

There was something about being gay, but not gay just yet, but your best friend is out and loud and proud. The feeling of almost unsettling safety as you walk into a world decked in colors that are just waiting for you to reach out and let them be your own. The encouragement of watching someone you love doing it for themselves.

The holidays and the jokes and the endless strolls around town. The watching and re-watching of the same tv-show every other afternoon. The resonance. The warmth. The love. The bond.

It keeps pricking at him.

She was his best friend for a laundry list of reasons. The gay thing, Phil thinks, may be one of them.

“Just send her a meme or something,” Dan says, painfully encouraging after Phil casually brings up a moment from his adolescence for the sixth time that weekend. “It’s not like you’re specifically not talking to her.”

“She might be specifically not talking to me though,” Phil lets out.

“Maybe,” he says, “but there’s only one way to find out.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on my social! 
> 
> tumblr - @lvatt  
> twitter - @rachel_daddow
> 
>  
> 
> [if you feel inclined to give this a reblog on tumblr you can do so here!](https://lvatt.tumblr.com/post/185803008386/made-of-what-i-learned-from-you-paring-dan)


End file.
